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"I so enjoyed reading this and will definitely check out other reads from this author. The sex scenes in this book were BOMB and the story was well written. Loved it."
“Why are you even here?” Carrington scolded.
“You don’t want me, remember? Never did from what the word on the street was.”
Raphael looked at Carrington with love in his heart. He knew that he had all but broken every part of her by his selfish actions in the past. At the time, he was not acting like the thirty-five year old man that he was, but more like a fifteen year old boy that just got his balls caught in a vice. He was being a big ass baby just trying to impress his so called friends, one especially, who he realized after many years, was never truly in his corner.
“It all comes down to this. You made the conscious decision to walk away from me and anything that had to do with me and my life. And what makes it so bad is that still to this day, I do not know why. One day you are there and then next day you are gone. No goodbye. No so long. No fuck you, bitch cause I’m done. Nothing! And now you sit here in my face trying to confess this undying love that you had for me all along talking about you did not know what you had when you had it! Man, get the hell out of here. I am sooooo not interested. Dude, I’m good!”
Raphael did not know exactly what to say but he was not giving up that easily. He had tracked her down after losing all touch with her for over a year and a half. The last time that he saw her she wouldn’t even talk to him. She jumped in her car and pulled away before he was able to speak to her. It just so happened that his sister, Dionne, ran into her at the annual women’s conference that is held each year by one of the local radio stations in the Cincinnati area. While catching up, she mentioned that she was now working at the station as the personal assistant/accountant to one of the top executives there, which seems to now evidently have been a mistake because that slip up of the tongue is why he is now outside of her office causing her to make a scene.
“And to show up here at my job like some type of stalker! This is too much!”
Embarrassed and livid she turned to her co-worker, Lisa , who was standing by her side the entire time, to make sure that everything was alright, and told her that she would call her later.
She began to walk to her car.
As she climbed into her vehicle, Raphael thought that he could not let her leave like this. Not again. He knew that if he did, that there was no way she would ever speak to him again, so he had to continue to try. When she climbed into her car, he knew that he had to figure out how to try to stop her from leaving. Had to try, in any way that he could imagine.
As she climbed in her car, still fussing and mumbling expletives under her breath, he turned and ran to his Tahoe. He could not let her get in her car and pull off this time, so he hopped in, cranked his car, drove and proceeded to position his vehicle in front of hers, so that she could not move out of her parking space.
Rolling down her window, she yelled, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Pissed, she hopped out of the car slamming the door shut.
“What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you dammit crazy!?”
Raphael just stared at her.
She could have called him, every name in the book. He did not care. All he knew is that he could not let her leave.
He hopped out.
“Come on Carrie, please just hear me out. I am here putting it all on the table. Right here. Right now. For you.”
He walked towards her.
Not wanting him anywhere near her, she opened the car door and jumped back inside of her car. She slammed her door, hitting the button to lock it.
She rolled the window up just enough whereas they could still hear one another speak.
He thought to himself. This is ridiculous. There has got to be something better that I can do.
Standing by her car, he continued.
“Please just talk to me? Give me a chance to explain. Don’t do this to us.”
Carrington stared at him like he was crazy.
“Us? Don’t do this to us? What kind of shit is that for you to say to me?”
Carrington unlocked her door, jumping out of her car. She squared up with Raphael looking him straight in the eyes. Her blood was boiling.
”I didn’t do anything to us! The only thing I did to us was hold on to the hope that you didn’t. I wanted nothing more than for us to try to keep it cordial and make this friendship work between us. Try to hold on to the little bit of sanity that I had left in this relationship, to try to get past anything that stood in the way of what, I thought, that we meant to each other. But nooooo, that is not what was going to ever happen, apparently. You see, I was the one who got screwed in this scenario! I was ridiculed and talked about as if I was an absolute stranger. Like I was your enemy. Like I didn’t sacrifice my heart and my time into this relationship. Like you and I didn’t share our most intimate secrets and moments with each other. Like I didn’t............Oh my God!”
She was so angry that she began to shake. She pointed in his direction. “You knew that I wasn’t checking for you! Wasn’t thinking about you! But somehow you worked your way into my life. Into my world! Into my head! Into my bed! Into my heart! I once wanted you to be the father of my kids! Raise a family with you!”
“Fuck, Ralph, I loved you and I would have gone to the end of the earth for you! Wanted to take care of you!”
She poked him in his chest.
“I wanted to protect you! Hell, I would’ve taken a bullet for you! Ralph, I wanted you….no scratch that….needed you to be my everything!”
Raphael stood as she read him the book that she was quickly writing.
He said, “But Babe, I made a mistake! I know that now! I made a……”
She cut him off.
“A mistake, yeah, I heard you the first time. And the second time and the third but what am I supposed to do with that? Am I supposed to be able to take that to the bank? Walk right up to the teller and slide them a check that is made out to A Fool in the amount of Pure Bullshit?! Do you not understand the magnitude of what you did to my heart?”
He tried to answer but she put up her hands stopping him.
“No! It is my turn to speak since I did not get a chance to do so, when you…” She pointed at Raphael. “I repeat, when you, decided to walk away!”
She began to pace on the side of her car angrily.
“Man, why did you have to dredge all of this up for me? Why could you just not leave me alone? You don’t have to answer that because I will tell you why. Because you are selfish. Because you are deceitful. Because you are messy. And the worse reason, is because you are untrustworthy. Remember, just like me. Ain’t that what the word was? Untrustworthy and not worth your time?”
He watched helplessly as she spoke.
She paused before she went on.
“Ralph you were a very big part of my world.”
She giggled fiendishly, “See what I mean? Even though you were a complete ass to me in the end, I can’t help but to wonder what if things were different? The truth is that you were phenomenal to me when it was good.”
She smiled, poked out her chest and held her head up high jokingly with a twinge of sarcasm, trailing closely behind.
“You were my king and you treated me like I was your queen. And I have always wanted to tell you, thank you for that. You showed me how I was supposed to be treated and how I was supposed to love a man. You were supposed to be my man. At least that is what impression it is that I had of us and I was willing….”
She shook her head, “No, not willing. I gave you everything that you have ever asked of me.”
Tears began to well up in her eyes.
“You wanted me to be your friend, I became your friend. You wanted me to like you. I liked you. You wanted me to become attracted to you. I did it. You wanted me to trust you. Guess what? I did that too and truth be told, you even wanted me to love you and yet once again, I did. I did it all.”
She lifted her hands and took three steps backwards and continued.
“But now let’s back it up in reverse it all in the opposite direction.”
She stormed briskly in his direction raising her voice one octave.
“You wanted me to stop liking you. I stopped. You wanted me to stop trusting you. I stopped. You wanted me to stop befriending you. No surprise there because baby girl did what? Ding, Ding, Ding! She stopped!”
He tried to speak again but once again she stopped him.
“Carrie, I never wanted…”
“Uh, uh, it’s my time to talk mister, so let me finish.”
He stood silently.
“You wanted me to no longer be attracted to you. I sto……Well, no I am lying there, because you are still fine as hell.”
They both laughed gently.
He missed her sense of humor.
Seeing that he was beginning to think he had some leeway, she immediately stopped laughing.
“Ugh! I can’t do this with you.” She turned and walked back towards her car.
“Ralph just go home! I don’t want to see you. I don’t want anything to do with you. You are dangerous to me!” She climbed back in her car, locked the doors and hysterically, began to cry.
Raphael wanted to leave because he could not stand to see her in the pain that she was displaying in front of him, but he could not. He had to keep trying. He had to fight for what he knew in his heart was right. He made a mistake all of those years ago when he walked out of her life. After many lonely nights lying in his bed sometimes next to one of a slew of random women and for a year long period, next to the woman who he thought could have possibly been the one that he could love, he realized that the only person he has ever truly wanted was Carrington. He hurt her and he knew that it was going to be a challenge to have her hear him out once he found her.
What he did years before was selfish and downright mean. He did love her but trying to keep up this reputation that he had of not being soft as they call it in the streets, or being a hoe ass nigga, as his boys would call it, or being sprung as the movies portrayed cost him the only woman that ever truly cared about him and wanted to be there and love him. He missed her. He needed her and he did not know what he was going to do if he could not find a way to win her back.
“Carrie baby, just please hear me out? I fucked up. I fucked up royally. I cannot deny that, but baby please just can we talk about this? Just give me five minutes. That is all that I ask. Five minutes please? “
Carrington was in no position to be able to leave because she was parked in between two vehicles on each side and he was still blocking her car.
Standing in the parking lot, she just wanted it all to be over, so that he could stop embarrassing her in front of her co-workers and a bunch of random strangers who worked in her building. She did not want to hear anything that he had to say because she had it etched in her mind that no matter what he said, there was no way that she could ever see herself putting herself in the same position that she was once in with him.
While Raphael stared at her just hoping that she would give him a chance to explain, he heard the door locks pop to be unlocked.